Palin with a Beard: An Exclusive Interview

Sarah Palin: You Betcha comes out in New York on September 30th. This new documentary follows director Nick Broomfield as he tries to get an interview with Mrs. Palin. It’s a sarcastic and over the top look at “the roots of Palin’s rage.” Broomfield fills his film with enough dirt to keep the interest of haters but not enough balance to satisfy fans.

The Empire State Tribune had more luck than Broomsfield and has obtained an exclusive interview with the former maverick.

This is Sarah "Ray Davison" Palin in her own words.

Thank you so much for visiting with me today, Sarah!

Before we start, may I just say that my husband Todd is a wonderful man and we have five children, ay! I even have a grandbaby, ay!

What do you make of the accusations that you have gone rogue since being on your bus tour?

Senator McCain and I talked a lot about him being a maverick. And I think that Senator McCain didn’t go far enough ya know? I don’t remember having coming up with it. Like our friends in North Korea say, going rogue is just another step beyond going maverick, ya know?

Good to see you on Saturday at our Drama Competition.  What did you think of the performances?

I was really offended by how they portrayed my friends and neighbors, the former Soviet Union. Stalin is really more attractive in person.

Where did you get your pink blazer?

We actually went to “Goodwill." Responsible financial policy. Got it for a cheap price, two beaver pelts, that’s what we like to do in Alaska. We have to save money for our snow mobiles and guns and beef jerky and flag pins.

Is it normal for you to wear such short skirts, like you did on Saturday?

Well the short skirt is to appeal to more of a younger audience. We talk about swaying the youth vote. By maintaining your own style and melding the old with the new, you can really appeal to the kids out there.

Well that naturally raises the question, when was the last time you shaved your legs?

Well we soccer moms don’t bother much shaving our legs in Alaska. And it’s cold up there because you know we can see Russia from our houses. I’m a woman of the people komrade!

What does Todd think of your beard?

He doesn’t pay attention too much. He’s too busy trying to get me to shave my legs. We had five kids. That was enough for him.

What do you make of this “You Betcha” documentary coming out at the Toront International Film Festival?

I’m a bit disappointed because I think the intention of this individual is to portray the real me. I think that his project is rather ridiculous seeing as I had my entire TV program on TLC in which I give an accurate portrayal of my life. Kinda like “Juno” was for Bristol.

What is next for you Mrs. Palin?

Well ... You know how they cancelled Kate Plus Eight? Let’s just say I’ll have my kids in a show that’s fun for the whole family. I feel like the American people have a lot of respect for the TLC network. Oh, and moose season just kicked off.

Any final statements?

Vote Bristol on this season’s Skating with Celebrities. God Bless. ARRROOOOO ROOOOOO!!!!!!! (howled with the gusto of an Alaskan Timberwolf.)