Professor Blander Reviews the 5th Floor Expansion

Given the steady growth of The King's College, it became necessary this semester to not only expand the fifth floor office space for staff, faculty and student workers, but also to split Professors Talcott and Blander, who used to share an office. When first asked about the fifth floor expansion, Professor Blander responded, “I am trying to block out all past scenarios.” Regarding the split between him and Talcott, he said that “the person who benefited the most was Talcott because he got rid of me." Blander is convinced that Talcott gets a lot more done without him around.

"He would try and work and I would just talk and talk and talk, about philosophy, of course. Talcott has six kids, so he does not have time to work at home. I have two, but they keep me slightly less busy,” he said.

However, Blander brought up a serious flaw with the expansion and his new office space: less room for his air mattress. “No more Blandering,” he said, as he pointed to his folded up air mattress on top of his shelf.

Blander used to spend the night in his office frequently, especially back in the Empire State Building. This act of keeping an air mattress in one’s office and sleeping there soon became known as “Blandering.” Blander still keeps his air mattress in his office—a sentimental token of sorts—but his office is too small for a quick nap.

He now takes naps in his new chair, which is “actually quite comfortable,” Blander commented, walking over to the chair to demonstrate. “I like to pretend like I am sleeping sometimes, especially with a book in hand," he said.

Then Blander mentioned another problem: the angle of Talcott’s office makes it hard for him to throw things at Talcott. “It wouldn’t hit him,” he said. “It would barely make it, and decrease the fun of actually throwing the item.”

If Blander were to throw an object, with the intended target of Talcott’s office, it would be a water balloon filled with Monster Rehab, he said. “Talcott knows how bad energy drinks are for me, and yet I drink them all the time,” Blander said. “He would scowl.”

The new offices are a bit removed from the rest of the faculty offices. “I like being the most remote of the faculty members. It suits my personality,” he said. "I don’t see Saylers, Innes, Bleattler or Corbin much anymore."

Blander looks forward to the day when he'll have enough time to decorate his office with pictures of his family and more drawings from his daughters. Two pieces of their artwork now hang on his door (you may recognize these sketches as the promotional images his daughters used when selling Girl Scout cookies).

Blander is not the only one in the expanded office space who likes to decorate. Carey Bustard ('16), a student worker for online admissions, shares a cubicle with Colton Knoepfle ('15) and says that she and Colton are hoping to get a plant. “It will add more life to the room,” Bustard says.

Following the interview, I received an important email from Professor Blander. It seems he can “surprisingly (or perhaps not) still hear Professors Johnson and Rabinowitz argue,” despite the long expanse of hallway between their offices. Imagine that.