Caprine Spirituality
Photo by Vivian Cai on Unsplash
The opinions reflected in this humor piece are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of staff, faculty and students of The King's College.
No, I am afraid you read that quite clearly. Goat Yoga indeed has its own musical genre attached to it, and the Academy of Powerful Music with Positive Energy’s 2021 album “Baby Goat Yoga” is a prime example.
This album represents a journey into the spiritual self like no other and is most notable for its focus on woodwind ambiance, development of abstract melody and redefining the ancient art of yoga with goats.
From the same state that brought you Elliot Smith, Candy-Ass Records and unending riots comes an outrageously niche musical revolution sure to recontextualize spirituality for tens of people.
Goat yoga consists of regular yoga, but with a twist - goats are involved. This caught on like wildfire for whatever reason and, as is the logical progression of things, now has its own hazy genre of music. The differences between the “yoga” and “goat yoga” genres are subtle. Goat yoga must consider the mental and spiritual state of the goats, and therefore must avoid staccato.
This distinctive mark of the genre is evident throughout “Baby Goat Yoga.” Despite consisting of 15 individual songs that all sound nearly identical to each other, they are all utterly devoid of any sudden changes in tone. The album’s primary defining trait is its focus on a low, almost ambient woodwind as the primary base in each track. This woodwind is accompanied by a hauntingly soft string melody that is as abstract as it is devoid of creativity.
Although many of the tracks are accompanied by a faint choir, there are no lyrics. This creative decision forces the listener into a state of self-reflection. Given nothing else to focus on, the listener would undoubtedly be lured into a meditative state by the trance-inducing heavy ambiance this album exudes. There are no lyrics because they would be a distraction from the true focus of this work of art: a goat-based redefinition of new-age spirituality.
The songs within the album do blend quite smoothly together, primarily because twelve of the fifteen tracks are utterly indistinguishable from each other. The other three songs follow a similar musical pattern but feature a slightly more foreboding tone overall. Doubtlessly these are geared more toward sustained focus and concentration rather than stretching in the presence of goats.
However, the lack of uniformity in tracks does not hurt the artistic integrity of the album. The bar has already been set low enough that the sudden shift in tone just feels par for the course when you reach the offending tracks in question. And you can still practice the art of goat yoga to them, so in the end it hardly matters anyway.
“Baby Goat Yoga” is, overall, an experience you will not want to miss. The album was really designed to be enjoyed in a specific way: drunk, high and around goats, just like the musicians were when they wrote it.
Unfortunately, as an ordinary human weighed down with the burden of common sense, I was unable to enjoy this album to the fullest. For all the strengths this album has when communing with the goat beyond, the inability of us commoners to properly enjoy this album gives it an unfortunate tinge of elitism.
“Baby Goat Yoga” is an elite record among exclusive albums. The sheer jaw-dropping specificity of its target audience is so narrow that it is impossible to properly enjoy. Unless, of course, you happen to be a fan of fraternizing simultaneously with your inner spirituality and goats. If that’s the case, this album is probably the best thing you will ever hear.
Joshua Story is the Humor Columnist for the Empire State Tribune. He is a junior studying Journalism, Culture and Society.