(ANALYSIS) Love is in the air. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming and students at The King’s College are busy studying.

Valentine’s Day is when couples, families and friends commemorate their love for one another. Especially during college years, young lovers are out and about in their honeymoon phases– walking along the pier or going out for a fancy dinner. However, here at King’s, the environment seems to feel much different for the freshman class.

Due to an undergraduate enrollment of 442 and a guy-to-girl ratio of 36% to 64%, some would argue that it is nearly impossible to find anybody here to have a fruitful relationship with.

“From what I heard, girls pinning over guys happened a lot at the beginning of the year,” said Danelle Gonzales, a freshman in the House of Margaret Thatcher. “There are not many boys compared to the girls, but I think we’ve gotten out of that phase and now it’s much more natural, and everyone knows who’s dating who. Friendships are more established, so now there's a better understanding of who’s talking with who. But in the beginning, it was a free for all.”

It seems as though the haze at the beginning of the long-awaited college experience influenced student behavior. However, a huge reason for this motivation is the culture most King’s students have grown up in.

"I have noticed here at King’s that boys have a diverse approach with girls regarding dating. So some guys here have never had the experience of dating, have had experience or are not looking for anything. They’re really mature about it,” Gonzales said.

Others have noted that it is difficult for guys to ask girls out at King’s since other students draw their own conclusions. People have normalized the idea that asking someone out means that they are interested in them.

“I think the beginning was a sensitive area for many people, but then it fizzled out,” said Steven Nasar, a freshman in the House of Winston Churchill. “I also think time is a big factor in all of this. You start to get more focused on other things and yourself rather than the dating scene. I can’t really speak for some of the guys at King’s since I don’t know what their culture was like growing up.”

Although students can offer a lot of insight, it is important to seek guidance from professionals who understand where these feelings come from and how to navigate them when they arise. Esther Jhun, a licensed mental health counselor at King’s, had plenty of advice in regard to this topic.

“You might have heard this already, but communication is important. Part of it is family of origin since that is when people learn what expectations they might have,” said Jhun.“Two weeks ago, there had been difficult discussions about gender roles, and they talked about complementarian vs. egalitarian principles. Because we are talking about this in a Christian context, that informs families of certain scripts about what a man and woman are supposed to be. Some stereotypical thoughts may be that women are emotional and men are not, which is not true. We are all human beings, so we all have emotions and therefore we are all going to be emotional.”

It is healthy to distinguish the basis of connection whether it be romantic or platonic. By doing so, one can feel secure in the ways they are being vulnerable with others. That is another point Jhun made: what expectations should we have with others?

“It’s important to clarify our values and boundaries,” said Jhun. “What can or can’t we do? What are my limitations? If I know that I work full time and bandwidth may only allow me to go out twice a weekday, then I need to know that for myself. So if someone expects me to go out every night, I can't agree. So I think it’s important for people to know your expectations since you can’t give what you don’t have.”

Trust is something earned. Jhun explained that if there are people that have consistently and lovingly shown up for others, then those people should be the friends with whom a relationship stems. There’s a sense of urgency–especially being a college student in New York City–to connect with others.

“It’s not terrible to be in a new place and not want to be alone. We are created to be social and be in the community, so take the risk and try to connect with someone,” said Jhun.“People don’t purposely do these things because most want to establish relationships free from

drama. It’s a new environment, a new city, and for some people, it’s almost like a do-over. You get to define yourself. It depends on where you come from, but at the very least, there's nothing wrong with being motivated by a need, desire and fear of not wanting to be alone.”

Wanting to be intentional in terms of navigating a relationship in this generation is a lot of work.

“When it comes to relationships, we have a lot of stories we tell ourselves. Some may be informed by what we have been culturally exposed to, but we need to know what we believe in and what we find personally important in a relationship,” said Jhun. “I firmly believe that if we have a good sense of self, everyone else can have their own opinion, which will not mean as much to us as we think. It’s not our job to fit in other people's stories since we need to figure out our own.”

This discussion has many layers and isn’t something that can be solved overnight. At this time in our college years, students are at the precipice of their lives.

“I feel like, especially from what I’ve seen in regards to the upper-level students, that relationships will happen. This is a time in your life where there are a lot of changes going on, so you don’t have an idea as to who you are yet,” said Nasar.

Angelina Ispir is a freshman at The King’s College from South Florida, majoring in Journalism, Culture and Society. She is enthusiastic about the arts and is an avid coffee enthusiast.

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