New York State of Ride: Inside the City’s Factually-Questionable Tourist Bus Industry
Big Bus tour guide Gail shares information about the Manhattan Bridge with tourists.
On any given day in New York, the streets are likely to be cluttered with a flurry of different traffic. Pedestrians jaywalk in front of speeding cars with their AirPods in, already seven minutes late for work; Ubers and taxis are either speeding past or parked right in the crosswalk; a dog is peeing in the middle of the sidewalk. The most obtrusive, noticeable traffic? The double decker tour buses with at least a handful of earbud-wearing tourists peering out from the top deck, viewing the rest of the city like it’s a spectacle.
“Most New Yorkers never ride these buses, but for tourists they seem to be the perfect sightseeing method: they’re able to see the city’s major landmarks and learn fun facts without walking or learning how to navigate the subway. But do these buses deliver what they claim to? Are they worth the money? And what, exactly, are the tour guides telling you?”
It’s 8:30 a.m. outside The Knickerbocker Hotel in Midtown Manhattan. Brisk wind complements the 40-degree temperatures during a mid-November morning. A maroon Big Bus pulls up to take one of its first loads of tourists for the day on their downtown tour.
BIG BUS
Before the bus arrives, a man standing with a Big Bus hoodie tries to sell you tickets on the sidewalk. But you came prepared. You purchased tickets three days earlier.
Stepping onto the thin stairs of the bus, the employees direct you to the top deck, where you find that you’re the first one this morning to brave the elements.
You grab a pair of Big Bus themed earbuds before you sit down and plug them into a jack in the wall, waiting to hear information on some of New York’s famous landmarks.
Your tour guide, Gail, wearing a maroon jacket with a pullover maroon hoodie, navy blue gloves and red lipstick, soon joins you on the top deck.
“It’s exquisite weather,” she says.
Yeah, right. Your hands are already freezing.
As the bus meanders down Broadway on its way to Battery Park, Gail repeats the same announcement intermittently. “We’re heading down Broadway,” she says, her thick New York accent apparent.
Of course, she shares plenty about New York, too: the city’s population is 8.2 million.
Gail attempts to make small talk with the dozen people on the bus dressed in stocking caps and jackets.
She fixates on a couple from the United Kingdom and strikes up a conversation with them in the middle of the tour—despite their obvious desire to be left alone.
“Are you okay going through Brexit?” she asks.
The man gives a thumbs up and immediately flips it down.
She pesters with more questions: “How well do you know your history? Do you know what happened in New York on November 25?”
Their one-sided conversation is being broadcast to your Big Bus themed earbuds. You lean your head defeatedly against the rails.
“Sir? Do you have your headphones in? Can you hear me, sir?”
Worn down, the man finally offers a verbal response. “I was absent from school that day,” he says.
When the couple decided to get off, Gail left them with a parting word. “What’s the matter, you didn’t like my tour?”
The new World Trade Center tower is the third tallest building in the world.
By the time the bus arrives at Battery Park, the stop for the ferry to the Statue of Liberty, the top deck is rapidly emptying.
Gail asks a couple, “Are you getting off here?”
No response.
“Where are you going?”
They stare at each other for a while, but remain silent. Eventually, one of them speaks up.
“... Statue of Liberty.”
“This is the Statue of Liberty.” Gail leans toward them with a sense of urgency.
They scurry off the bus; you snicker.
As the bus nears its last stop back in Times Square, you are one of the last three people sitting on the bus. With no one else to talk to, Gail approaches and gives you unsolicited New York advice. She talks about her homemade potato pancakes and her disappointment with the lack of Lithuanian restaurants in the city.
As you stand and loosen up the dormant joints that have been victim to the cold for the past 90 minutes, Gail tells you one more thing.
“I hope you appreciated my commentary.”
You decide to have breakfast at the Times Square Diner at the corner of West 49th Street and Eighth Avenue.
Starving, cold, and full of hubris, the Loaded Times Square Breakfast is the only way to go: you’re served three pancakes—each the size of a dinner plate—three pieces of bacon, a large piece of ham, sausage, potatoes and two eggs with ketchup.
So your answer is simple when you think, why not go on another bus tour?
Sure, why not?
TOP VIEW
The Top View downtown bus boards on 46th street, just down the block from the Richard Rogers theater. It’s close enough to the Times Square Diner—it feels like fate.
Toes still actively thawing, you sit in one of 18 grey seats on the lower, inside level of the bus. And you’re already a pro at the process: grab headphones, plug them in without looking, find the English channel. There’s no tour guide in your ear, just pleasant female voice recording.
Good. The last one was kind of annoying.
Wait! It gets better. JAY-Z’s “Empire State of Mind” starts playing over the earbuds. You haven’t listened to this song in months! (But you still know every word.)
The bus pulls away from the curb. This is what riding in style looks like.
These buses stretch dangerously close to harmful overhang in the streets. Every so often, the recording issues a polite warning: “Be aware of low traffic lights, signs and tree branches ahead.”
Woven in are facts—The Empire State Building is the world’s largest open air observatory!—and more New York City centric tunes. Frank Sinatra croons “New York, New York;” Taylor Swift belts out an oddly warped “Welcome to New York.”
Or … wait! There’s “Eye of the Tiger.” Is that related to New York City? Maybe Top View knows something you don’t.
“Be aware of low traffic lights, signs and tree branches ahead.”
The facts seem to be few and far between.
The Charging Bull is 17 feet tall.
Oh. “Empire State of Mind” is playing again. That’s… fine. It’s still a great song. You still sing along.
“Be aware of low traffic lights, signs and tree branches ahead.”
“Concrete jungle where dreams are maaaade of…”
Maybe all it takes is hearing JAY-Z again.
Maybe it takes hearing “Welcome to New York” for the second time for the horror to set in. The same nine songs are playing on repeat. You’re going to be on this bus for the next three hours.
Thirty-eight NYU alums have been recipients of a Nobel Peace Prize.
“Be aware of low traffic lights, signs and tree branches ahead.”
At least it’s sunny, when you venture to the top an hour later. The sun filters through the clear plastic shade, warming things up considerably.
You’ve developed a new system: tear the earbuds out as soon as the music plays, say “Let me know when there’s another fact,” tentatively put one earbud in to hear The back of the Astor Place Theatre has been home to the Blue Man Group since 1999.
The bus rolls on, rocking imperceptibly back and forth. Your stomach is rolling a little more noticeably.
… Maybe that Loaded Times Square Breakfast wasn’t such a good idea.
“Be aware of low traffic lights, signs and tree branches ahead.”
There are three major tour bus companies in New York City. You’ve already been on two of them. It’s nearing the end of the day, but.
Why not go on the third?
CITY SIGHTSEEING
The City Sightseeing tour bus sits parked at the intersection of 47th Street and Seventh Avenue outside Olive Garden, just a mere two blocks away from Top View’s drop-off point.
On the top deck of the double-decker bus stands Allan France, a tour guide for City Sightseeing. France, a perky, grey-haired man in a bright red jacket and sneakers, immediately starts welcoming guests onto the bus.
“Y’all are so fashionable,” he says to a family who just walked up the thin staircase from the bottom deck to the top. “Where are you from?”
“Florida,” they answer. And that family is henceforth known as Florida.
France is personable and funny, sharing anecdotes into his chunky microphone to broadcast to the earbuds of guests.
John Lennon made his last live appearance at Madison Square Garden at an Elton John concert in 1974. France notices a Billy Joel concert poster outside the venue—and launches into a narrative about meeting Billy Joel and playing “Piano Man” for him.
He’s married to a ‘Valentino’ (but not the Italian kind), he has a rent-controlled apartment with a tennis court overlooking the Hudson River, and he helped a team of architects bring the lights back to the top of the Chrysler Building, just to name a few things.
He’s already told you not to listen to the recording on the bus, but to listen to him. He says the recordings never trigger when they’re supposed to so what you’re hearing matches with what you’re seeing. He adds the recordings are overall unimpressive.
If you look to your left, you’ll see the headquarters of media company and publisher Condé Nast.
“One of the best things you can do is don’t hop off my bus...it will be a fun ride,” he says. “If you get off my bus, it’s all downhill from here.”
Tour guide Allan France shares information about the Manhattan Bridge with tourists.
As the tour begins, he attempts to get to know his guests a little better. “Who here is visiting New York for the first time?”
A few hands shoot up. France lets out a good-natured laugh.
“That means I can say anything and you’ll believe me. But I wouldn’t do that! Because I’m a good tour guide.”
As it turns out, this philosophy is more common among these companies than is comfortable.
Now’s a good time to mention that all of the bolded facts listed in the story above were relayed by the tour bus companies—and they’re all false.
When Gail said the population of New York was 8.2 million, she was off by nine years. The population of New York hasn’t been 8.2 million since 2010; it’s currently 8.6 million.
The City Sightseeing recording said John Lennon made his last live appearance before his death at an Elton John concert at Madison Square Garden in 1974. Actually, Lennon’s last performance was at a gala broadcast on television on April 18, 1975 at New York City’s Waldorf Astoria Hotel.
There are several more like this.
The average tour bus riders, who aren’t actively in-tune with the information presented to them, have generally positive things to say about their tour guide and overall experience.
One review of City Sightseeing said France was “a jolly character that was very knowledgable [sic] and able to answer all our questions about New York City.”
Another reviewer observed France “certainly knows his job and knows New York inside out.” Further, this individual “would definitely recommend this tour especially with this guide, he was brilliant.”
Despite the positive reviews, the tour companies, through the inaccuracies in their tour, do not demonstrate a sense of urgency to correctly inform the public.
Further, the customer service is subpar.
After reaching out to all three companies repeatedly over email and phone, the only one to respond was Big Bus New York’s General Manager, Charles Nolen. He responded to email within an hour.
When it comes to responding to claims of inaccuracies, Big Bus has a process.
“Every time a customer spots something [incorrect], we send a reminder to our team through one of our communication channels,” Nolen said.
“We usually collect as many details as possible for the customer in order to identify the specific bus you were on and speak to this team member in person.”
But the process at the other companies, if there is one, is unknown. They’re that difficult to get in touch with.
An automated email responds moments after hitting send promising they’ll “get back to you within 24 hours.” But they never do.
“Your satisfaction is our number one goal,” says the voice recording while on hold with City Sightseeing.
After over 10 phone calls and being tossed around to three different departments, it certainly doesn’t feel like satisfaction is their number one goal.
The customer service employees at City Sightseeing’s counter in Port Authority are just as uninformed as the voice recordings on their tour buses.
One would think speaking to an individual in person rather than yelling at a robot would be more worthwhile, but it’s not.
If all these tours have to offer are inaccuracies and occasionally pleasant tour guides, are they even worth the cost? There are other ways to see New York City.